OH MY GOD THEY WON

Written by: Gabe

Galaxy 5-2 DC United

It’s exciting to watch two teams with terrible defenses go head-to-head. You get lots of goals, and that’s what Americans want! That, and David Beckham! 

Galaxy broke a TWELVE GAME winless streak to give them a snowflake’s chance in a microwave of making the playoffs. In fact, they looked fairly lethal with their full squad, despite their trademark swisscheese method of defense. DC could have been on par, but they don’t have a counterpart to THE BEST PLAYER PERSON IN AMERICA THE vitamin c in dogs
WORLD LANDON DONOVAN.

Each of DC's goals came within 3 minutes of the first- and second-half starting whistles, which was laughable, as even I gave LA's defense enough credit to defend the opening lull. Wrong! Diced like a Taco Bell tomato.

And Landon Donovan scored three! All right.

Beckham looked lazy and whiny, like someone that gets paid 100 times more than they should for the job they're doing. But, he successfully donated a red card to Marc Burch after a questionable foul. I would have given yellow, and I suspect the red was given more to appease the legion of Beckham fans (who screamed every time he was even near a ball; I'm not kidding) than to punish the foul. Conspiracy!

LA FANS: Pray a little extra hard at your shrines this month. And unplug your microwaves. You might make it to the playoffs!

Tags: David Beckham, DC United, LA Galaxy, Landon Donovan, Marc Burch