unrefined soccer commentary from two americans who know everything

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Soccer Business

Written by: Gabe

Imagine this. You’re interviewing at Coca-Cola for a job. Well, sort of. You’re standing outside Coca-Cola headquarters with a megaphone, and you want a job. You think you’ve got a shot. After all, you were the #1 Vernor’s Ginger Ale salesman at your branch (before it went out of business) for 3 years running. You’re invited to every global sales conference and industry trade show Vernor’s corporate office can afford to send you to. You even did a brief stint at Dr. Pepper for a full fiscal quarter. Coca-Cola MUST have heard of you. Seen you in action. Caught wind of your success. Surely they WANT you.

Beaming with confidence, you lift the megaphone to your mouth.

“Ladies and gentlemen of Coca-Cola, consider this my official announcement. It would be my honor and pleasure to work for you. I’ve seen how great you are at selling soda, and I believe a reputed salesman like me could contribute to the further success of your company. Now, don’t expect me to come in and compete with a true giant like Pepsi, but if you need a person to fill your payroll and talk to from time to time, I’m your guy. I’m ready to leave Vernor’s for good and commit myself to you, provided Vernor’s is willing to let me go and you pay them enough money for me. All I request is that you accept my offer no later than January first. Until then I will be effectively unemployed.”

The windows at Coca-Cola headquarters are too reflective to see in… but you’re pretty sure the bigwigs on the other side got your message. Now all you have to do is wait for the call.

Apparently this story is not only nonfiction, but also a viable strategy in the world of soccer. Just ask Landon.

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One Comment

  1. Landon Who says:

    Just when you think Landon Donovan might NOT be a huge, whiny, uncompetitive, wussy D-bag, he goes and proves he is. Again.

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