Tales Told

Written by: Gabe

The group stage of FIFA’s 2010 World Cup is in the books, and while some of the balance was restored in the soccer universe, a few stories that will define this tournament have been told.

EuroFail—France, Italy, Denmark and Greece are all gone in a continent-spanning shocker. However, the chances of The Netherlands, Germany, and Spain redeeming their neighbors are fairly high. England is still in but were bested in the group stage by USA and see a foreboding Bavarian storm on the horizon. If any European team makes it to the final, we’ll forget the EuroFail in favor of FranceFail or ItalyFail or maybe FormerFinalistsFail.

CONMEBOL power—All of South America made it through the group stage and Brazil, once again, looks unstoppable.

USA and Africa, fates intertwined—Home team spirit could not translate to success for any African team save Ghana, upon whose shoulders rest the hopes of a continent. USA has an incredibly lucky path ahead which could see them to the semifinal for the first time since Jesus played. The twist: USA plays Ghana today.

God hates communism—North Korea finished in 32nd. Out of 32.

What stars?—Who would have guessed Japan’s Honda would outshine Cristiano Ronaldo? The truly impressive performances have come from players with belief, energy, youth and team spirit. Massive paychecks and sexy hairstyles not required.