Ah, the old Pretend-to-be-a-hot-mistress-when-you-are-really-two-Liverpool-fans-who-are-also-cage-fighters trick. I have to give them respect for the quality of this prank, but I’m afraid it’s a few steps out of touch, so to speak. I mean, they broke the guy’s ankle and got him divorced? For supporting Manchester United? You must read this cautionary tale of a life lived in the shadow of widespread EPL hysteria.

• Tottenham used three early goals to beat Stoke 3-1. This win lifts Tottenham up to 13th place in the table and a little breathing room from the relegation zone.

• Aston Villa has pulled five points clear of Arsenal for the critical 4th place in the Prem table with a 1-0 win at Portsmouth.

• Arsenal needed a 92nd minute goal by Van Persie to secure a 1-1 draw at Everton.

• Liverpool continued to produce tie games with a 1-1 game against Wigan. All these draws are starting to catch with Liverpool as they dropped to 3rd in the table.

• With a 2-0 win against Middlesbrough, Chelsea has regained 2nd place in the table. Chelsea and Liverpool are currently tied with 48 points but Chelsea has the edge with goal differential.

• With a 5-0 drubbing of West Ham, Manchester United has gone 2 points clear at the top of the table with a game in hand.